Why adults have extramarital affairs?
Chat about a loaded subject that no one wants to chat about, that’s it. Amusing thing, affairs have been going on from millennium. Extramarital affairs can be fraught with problems, cause misery, and other harms. Plus you should wrap your brain around all the other issues, there’s that truth and openness thing, finances, age difference, faith education, guilt, and on and on. I anticipate there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the purpose of this post I should define an affair as a long term, maybe months long relationship of a sexual nature between two people of whom one or both are married to other persons, adult dating for merried.
Why do married people have extramarital affairs? There are as many reasons as there are seeking extramarital affairs. I am conserned generally though it is just the human state, the need for liking, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and respected. Here are a several explanations I have run across.
Physically we as human beings are all sexual creatures. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasurable and exciting, and sex makes us get away the world for a brief period of time. This ecstasy exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels elevated enough. Somebody are able to turn the desire on and off, some are brilliant at controlling it and others are so-so at best. Though we all have it, young and elder, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the excitement of the pursue. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another human being, for some it is the longing to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the total romance thing. These needs and yearnings can be so strong they overcome the taboos society has erected against extra-marital affairs. For lots of individuals the yearnings will overcome their doubts and make them risk the wrath of not only their relatives, but the public as well. So why, what is the mechanism?
Sex Addicts, maybe some of us are. Sex is awfully pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of biologically obsessed sex addicts and can find away to have an affair and not harm your relatives or anyone else? You would need to minimize the threat you are taking. If you have the feeling that a good affair is one that is advantageous to everyone, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I think this is the largest grouping, gigantic truly. There are many couples whose marriage is over, except they feel comfy in the way they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your spouse but there is no romance. Then there are the children to consider. Your savings are so entwined. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to live together besides love and sex.
Physical reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that prevent them completing the sex performance, at least not with their spouse. An affair at times solves the trouble while keeping the marriage undamaged.
Avoidance, sadly this is a common cause I fear. One or the other, usually the male is sexually neglecting his lady for a number of reasons. As a man I actually appreciate you guys neglecting your wives and making them available to us males of romance, making them “lonely wives” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Then there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not only neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Probably its romance that is missing, maybe it is a shortage of love, could be caring is disappeared, could be it is the closeness, maybe neglect. Could be we have simply developed distantly, our relulas concerns diverged. Could be it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my ages, is contradictory of what you want. Maybe I just don’t know what I want from the marriage anymore. Could be, just maybe I miss that emotion that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The ultimate reason people give is, they look for the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to escape, for financial gain, for revenge and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.
Tags: affairs, Dating, dating married people, extramarital affairs, Marriage, married dating, seeking an affair